Letting Go
by xxWonderstruckxx
Summary: I know how I feel about you. I know I like you more than a friend. You've been gone for too many months and I've been waiting. It's about time for me to get this out.


**I'm horrible at updating. Final story of 2012 :)**

**Just some quotes that fit this story.**

"If you love someone, set them free. If they come back they're yours; if they don't they never were." – Richard Bach

"I guess that's what saying good-bye is always like – like jumping off an edge. The worst part is making the choice to do it. Once you're in the air, there's nothing you can do but let go." – _Before I Fall_ by Lauren Oliver

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_You're so beautiful, but that's not why I love you. I'm not sure you know that the reason I love you is you being you, just you. Yeah the reason I love you is all that we've been through. And that's why I love you._

My guitar played a beautiful tune as I strummed each chord. The sunlight hit my skin, allowing my brown hair to glisten in the stream of light. My hazel eyes stared at my reflection, trying to figure out what's missing.

Everything seemed to be in the right place. My hair was in a neat ponytail, not perfect but not messy. A little piece of my wavy hair slipped out. I tucked the strands of hair behind my ear. I was wearing a plain black shirt and ripped dark blue jeans. The rainbow striped socks felt soft against my cold toes. I hadn't forgotten anything. Nothing important was happening on this fine Saturday afternoon.

Yet this twinge of pain was stuck in my stomach. It wasn't grief nor was it that sick feeling you got when you want to throw up. Something felt off.

My eyes trailed along the walls of my room, trying to see what may be the cause of my predicament. My eyes landed on my teddy bear, which I had thrown to the side of the room a year ago and forgot to pick it up. Next, it landed on fragile block letters spelling out my name. Each letter had a word that described me; altogether it spelled "Stevie". My eyes continued to move from different items until I landed on a single photograph that sparked the feeling.

Kacey Simon, lead singer of Gravity 5 and best friend, stood from and center. Nelson Baxter and Kevin Reed stood on her left side while Zander Robbins and I stood on her right side. Nelson, Furious Pigeon addict and one of my best friends, was the band's piano player while Kevin, Furious Pigeon addict #2 and Nelson and I's best friend, was the drummer of the band. Zander was the guitarist, ukulele player, pianist, and singer of the band. I was the bass player.

Zander Robbins, a handsome and polite guy. Every girl fell for him, including the Perfs. He was the new guy in school, coming to school with a positive attitude that couldn't be crushed by anyone. He formed Gravity 5. We became friends, but nothing more. I wish we were more than just friends.

Junior year he left Brewster High. His family had to move to Florida because of his father's job. It was my chance to tell him how I felt about him and see if he felt the same way. Except I blew it. I held my feelings in. I didn't tell him how much I wanted to hold him in my arms. I didn't tell him how badly I wanted to feel the touch of his lips or hear the sweet words from his melodious voice. It's far too late to tell him now. He probably has a girlfriend, a lucky girlfriend who can experience a relationship with the perfect one-of-a-kind guy.

It's only been a few months since I last seen him. We've talked by video chat every once in a while. I text him almost every week. He would tell me about his solo career. He tells me about the funny moments he had with his new friends and how much he misses his old friends, including me. I still didn't tell him.

I set my guitar down on its stand. I rummage through my backpack until I find a blank piece of paper and a pencil. My back found its support from my bed. Leaning on my bed, I began to write everything I needed to get out to get rid of this feeling.

_I know how I feel about you. I know I like you more than a friend. You've been gone for too many months and I've been waiting. It's about time for me to get this out. _

_I miss you. I miss your playful smile, your beautiful voice, your touch that makes me feel like I'm in heaven. I miss those gorgeous eyes that I could stare into all day and your soft hands that I'm dying to hold again. Every day, I walk down the hallway of Brewster High, and all I can think about is the memories of you walking with me. You always walked me to class. You complimented me unconditionally. When I'm sad, you would cheer me up. It didn't matter whether you won an award or scored yourself a date; you held everything off to make sure I was okay. When I'm doing something wrong, you would help me correct myself. You don't act like a parent and fix the problem; you allow me to fix my own mistakes and learn my own lessons. _

_You moved on. You crushed and flirted with various girls in your new school. You pursued your solo career and gained a pretty decent reputation. You found new friends to hang around and memories that will hold in your mind. Though we talk each week, it's not enough. It's not enough to go through days of thinking of you, constantly missing you. I can't go one day without thinking about you or dreaming that you would come back and confess your undying love for me._

_It sounds cheesy, right? The words I'm writing doesn't sound like anything I would ever write. I've never been this sappy but serious in my life. It's a first._

_I guess what I'm trying to say is that I need to move on. I had a chance to tell you how I felt and I missed it. You moved on. I need to accept that._

I set my pencil down and stared blankly at the ceiling. The memories flooded into my mind. There was the time Zander held my hand while we were eating at our usual lunch table. He probably didn't notice, but I did. A surge of happiness filled my body. I can never forget when we were so close to each other, just inches away from each other. There was something on my nose and he reached to get it off. I was so tempted to kiss him right there and then. Retrieving my pencil, I began to finish what I had begun.

_You know that old saying, "If you love him, set him free"? Or something along those lines. Well, I'm setting you free. I'm letting you go and moving on. I'm not going to forget you, but I'm not going to spend my days dwelling on your absentness in my life. And if we were meant to be, you'll come back for me, even if it may be years from now._

_It's time to let go._

My eyes hovered over the last words I wrote. "It's time to let go," I whispered faintly. The sunlight bounced off the walls, bringing in a light feeling. All the weight was pulled off my shoulders. There was no pain lingering in my stomach. No thoughts of missing Zander entered my mind. This must be what it feels like to let go.

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**Hey Rockers! Happy New Year! It's the final story of the year. It was kind of a "express everything you're thinking of" type of story. Always room for improvement since I only made this yesterday.**

**Little Disclaimer here...Of course I don't own How To Rock or the quotes. I don't need to remind people that. But I very recommend you to read _Before I Fall_ by Lauren Oliver. Very good book.**

**Happy New Year! :)**


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